Author: marieknowsbest1

I’m always complaining to my parents about the way they treat my little brother. They favorite him WAY to much. He’s the most stubborn, babyish, spoiled, brat I know. He gets all the attention, all the love, and ugh! It drives me crazy!!! Don’t get me wrong. I know my parents love me and they spoil me every once and a while too. But it’s not the same loving way they treat my brother. And I can’t stand it…

Today, 6-4-17, something not-so-great happened. I think I reached my end point. Now before I begin, remember, I got out of surgery a bit ago, so I shouldn’t run, kneel, jump, that sorta thing. So my dad, brother, and I go to get some batteries for the John Deer Lawn mower. My brother always gets shotgun and he’s 4 years younger than me and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for him to be upfront… so anyway… We were in a race across the parking lot, to the car. And of course I’m cautious of my knee, so instead of running, I hop really fast on my opposite, strong, unhurt leg. My brother got his hands on the trucks handle so it was like a war of tossing and turning.

My dad is mad. He is furious!!! “STOP! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!” and of course my brother and I aren’t fighting with anger. We’re really just joking around. Until… my dad… THROWS MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW!!! WHAT! THE! WHAT!? And he’s like, “RUN! RUN! GRAB YOUR PHONE FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET BEFORE A CAR RUNS IT OVER.” and this is like in town where cars are just by gas stations crossing over and everywhere. With my injured knee… I SPRINT to grab my phone, I DON’T look both ways across the street, and grabbed my phone, SPRINTED BACK to the car… and realized I could’ve gotten ran over or my knee could be seriously messed up right now.

(I am writing this 20 minutes after this incident and my knee feels fine. Thank Goodness!)

Anyway, I’m SUPER UPSET with my dad. Of course he took his anger on me and not his precious son. The phone case was one that my best friend and I had matching. (She’s my one and true best friend.) She moved away to Alaska on Friday and the matching phone case thing was suppose to be really memorable… UNTIL MY DAD TOSSED IT INTO THE MIDDLE OF A CAR MOVING STREET! My phone case could’ve been more damaged and the bottom end of my phone was dented. ……..oh…..joy…..

Of course when your phone is absolutely perfect you freak out when it has imperfections everywhere. Now I’ll remember this moment as long as I LIVE! Or at least as long as I have this phone… I have the IPhone 5c so I would love to have the 7 but anyway, BACK TO THE POINT!

My dad apologized and being the person I am.. I said, “I DO NOT FORGIVE YOU! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I SCRATCHED YOUR BRAND NEW RAM TRUCK!? HUH? WOULDN’T BE AS SPECIAL ANYMORE NOW WOULD IT! AND OF COURSE YOU TOOK YOUR IMPATIENCE ON ME AND NOT *BROTHER*!!!!”

And then… I said I hated him… which I shouldn’t have done.. and I really should apologize but I really can’t. I’ve reached my end point and I’m absolutely depressed. I’m looking forward to school on Monday so I can just hang with my new group of friends and let the anger and frustration disappear with laughs and joy. But I’ve got exactly 13 hours until then, sooooo….. yea. And I still have to eat an awkward family dinner.

You know when you get upset with someone, and being the dramatic person you sometimes are, you just want to be mad and act sad forever so the person gets really guilty… that’s how I feel and how I want to take action.

I feel like this post shows a whole different side of me. Usually I want to take things in a civil way.. but I’m just so upset. I am DONE with watching my mom snuggle and hug my brother and say how much she loves him in front of me, and how my dad buys anything my brother wants with a snap of his fingers, and how I have to watch them look like a perfect family… without me…

I’m not worried about my parents seeing this post. My dad paid for my website but never cares about it, as long as it keeps me away I guess.

Who knows, maybe this is all in my head, but it feels pretty real. I mean, all I feel is pain. Pain and Hate. I really don’t like the feeling of hatred, it burns my soul and makes me sick. But I can’t stop myself from feeling all this… jealousy towards my brother and my parents’ love for him. I know this isn’t really an advice column, it’s more me just moping…

Sorry…

I’ve felt like an outcast many times. But now I’m hanging out with a new group of friends, and I can barely even call myself an outcast anymore! They are so awesome to be around and *sigh*, I just love them so much! I wish my other friends were happy for me, I’m smiling so much more than the beginning of the school year, it’s insane! But I’m starting to wonder… did I ditch my friends. I mean, I don’t think so… they talk drama literally all the time and I don’t like it. They told me not to hang out with a friend I call my brother… I kept some space from the ones who helped me on crutches… But did I ditch them?

Ever since I’ve stayed away from drama, I’ve barely had problems at home. “No drama at school means no drama at home right, baby?!” my dad said to me with a bright smile. “Ye-yeah! That’s so true! YES!” I said to him in reply.

It’s like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. I laugh SO much in a day. I’m exploring new things and learning how to ‘man up’ to teachers when I get in trouble. To be honest, whenever I got in trouble I’d go to the bathroom and break down crying like an idiot…. now I just stand strong, respectfully of course, then, when they walk away I laugh with my friends. “It’s not a big deal!” I’d say.

But the only thing keeping me  at 99% happiness, is the 1% thought of me ditching my other friends. Hopefully I’m not ditching them… I know how much I hated being ditched… I don’t know what to do… I really want to buy them a cute little gift as a thank you for crutches.. but I was told by my dad that I shouldn’t have to buy my friends. I haven’t bought my new group of friends anything and they’re still texting me.

I think I’m going to write a jumbo sweet card to them. Just so they know I appreciate everything.

Assignments, work/chores, sports, classes, sleep, cleaning… and so much more! These things need to get done, and it stresses us out! Everything seems SO complicated and so frustrating that we feel we can’t do it! We just, lay down and are like, “Well, it’s not like I would’ve finished anyways!”, but that’s not how it should go! We need to be able to pull ourselves together, put the frustration and stress behind us, and just get started and see how far we go.

Yesterday I was really frustrated cause it was really hard to move around and it is just really stressful to move around on crutches after a surgery and I was just really nervous about my knee. I was a little upset with my two friends, but they didn’t do anything whatsoever. So you two know who you are and if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I flipped out on you, I was just tired cause I don’t get too much sleep, frustrated and stressed cause of the LOADS of homework and studying we had to do that day.

Now to continue where I left off: I was really really stressed that day, and what topped it off, was this one three-year-old kid. He’s adorable and young. But as I’m on my crutches hobbling down the hall, he runs to me, GRABS ONE OF MY CRUTCHES, AND YANKS IT AWAY FROM ME! I am always so cautious (except at home I’m like super fast on my crutches) so of course I got really scared. I threw a terrified look at him and his guardian said to the little boy, “Don’t do that. Go say sorry!”, and by then I was already at the end of the hall, I didn’t care that my crush was by the door and I had a sickening glare on my face that could scare anyone off. I was just too stressed out and too upset! The little kid came up and said sorry, I have a weakness for kids so I smiled genuinely and looked to the guardian and said, “Don’t worry about it”. Rough day Rough day.

Once I’m home I go to my room, and lay on my bed, (I’m not going to deny, just a few tears were strolling down my cheek.) trying to shove the stressful things behind me.

I knew I needed to get up, so I headed to the living room and began my work. Study, Study, Study, math, math, math, history, history, and history vocab. I finished my knee exercises and checked my emails and messages. Everything went great. I am so glad I got out of my bed because in the end, things aren’t really as hard as they seem, you just need to stop stressing about how hard it’s GOING to be, and start the work first.

*This was posted 5-11-17, some of the information in the post may be outdated.*

Something good can always come out of something sucky.

So, as you know, I was on crutches 1-1-16 to like 4-1-17 and then got surgery and I am on crutches again because of surgery. But before any of that, before any of THIS happened. I was a gymnast. I was doing the sport I LOVED. I’d miss the last 45 minutes of school to go to practice, (which was a 35-45 minute drive) miss school to go to competitions. (When I first got crutches, my mom already bought plane tickets to Hawaii for a gymnastics meet, so, I went to Hawaii with my best friend and it was SO FUN!) With gymnastics out of the way, all I was able to do was study and study, read and read, and ace all my tests. I miss gymnastics SO much, but I’m glad I took a chance on school and hobbies.

Bullying. Not fun to deal with. Cyber-Bullying. Hard to deal with. Girls at school who love to cause little kid drama. Let it go.                                            I was really hurt when I got cyber-bullied and all this drama and feelings of bullying came flooding to me, and school was awful, and bullies and drama was making my life miserable, I came home moody, acting sassy and disrespectful towards my parents. Everything was just a mess, it was so hard to deal with. Because of that, I realized all the bullying in the world and how much worse it is out there. (Word of Advice: Never tell someone that your problematic situations are worse and that they shouldn’t complain, it doesn’t feel good.) Then, once I realized everything, I decided I wanted to become UnknownOutcast13, helping spread Anti-Bullying Messages, creating a website where you can ask for advice and everyone out there can comment and help you out, SnapChat, YouTube Channel, Instagram, all these I got to help spread the message.

Something Good can always come out of something Sucky, as long as you don’t worry about what’s going TO HAPPEN, focus on what IS HAPPENING, and how you can avoid the problem, or face it.

So, if you read my first post, “The Ones Who Care Will Be There”, I mentioned quite a few times about how I was on crutches. In this post, I am going to explain everything about my crutches.

I was a pretty great gymnast, LEVEL 6 working my way to LEVEL 7, and then my right knee was hurting a lot. The doctors my mom took me to didn’t take this that seriously, so we headed farther away to a different doctor. He said that I had Osteochondritis, which is when the cartilage is inflamed and blood flow can’t get through. The doctor put me on crutches for 3 months, then 1 month of physical therapy to strengthen the knee, then 4 months to do my knee exercises and walk, then he gave me another 6 months to see how I was doing! That’s a lot with little progress in 14 months. And I was really upset because I still have this love for gymnastics and I would at least be able to run. (I should mention that I was restricted from running, jumping, bending, kneeling, and anything putting pressure on my knee.) 1 month later, the doctor tells me… that I need surgery… great. They poked 7 tiny holes into my knee bone so blood flow could get through. I have 3 stitches and….I am on crutches (again) right now at this very moment and I am wearing a huge brace. I only have about 1-2 more weeks left on crutches and with this knee brace. (hopefully! You know how doctors are, always changing their minds!)

I am pretty (SUPER!!!!) upset because I really want to go back to gymnastics… but I guess I’m a little excited about becoming fully recovered. After 2 weeks left on crutches, I most likely have 6 weeks of strengthening, and I might be able to play this summer!

My advice, remember to understand the circumstances and that you aren’t the only one struggling in life. There are people out there who can’t move at ALL.

This was posted 5-7-17 so if you’re reading this late then some of the information and dates are late. Email me if you wan to share a story of your own or want to learn more about me! 🙂

You really do need to know who your true friends are. Last year was my first time on crutches, and my “BFF’s” didn’t even help me. In fact, they ran away from me, excluded me, ditched me. I was so hurt, they would run from me, but I couldn’t catch up. My whole school year was based on chasing after those two, but what I didn’t realize, was that three girls, were chasing after me. They were helping me while I was in crutches. They were a shoulder to cry on. They were true friends. So the point here is that you need to know need to know that there will be bad friends, but you can’t chase after them. Like every mother tells her child, “It’s better to have one good friend, than a bunch of bad friends.” So that’s my advice to you: Don’t chase after the friends who don’t care about you. Better yet, don’t focus on them, focus on the wonderful, kind-hearted friends that DO care about you. And here’s a shout out to anyone out there who says they have no one, that they’re completely alone: You will never be alone. You will always have God with you.